Foolishness & Games

Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th, I had a pretty entertaining one. Initially made plans to do a drive in movie with friends... but didnt get enough response, and I didn't feel like spending $$ so.. that sort of fell through.. Mr. Chef calls and says he is going to cook something and kind of in a half ass way tells me i'm welcome.. umm thanks? lol.. He lives a solid 30 minutes away.. and spending the 4th boo'd up with someone I'm not even sure about, not my idea of a good time. I told him I'd let him know.. and started watching a movie. lol. Anywho, I ended up at a homegirl & her fiance's house.. and it actually turned out to be a good time.. we all got drunk, watched fireworks.. got inspired by the show, drove to Krogers (yes we know.. don't drink & drive, the sober one drove) bought fireworks and had our own show in the driveway cul-de-sac! HAHAH it really was a great time! I wish I could've gotten photos of our foolishness.. We almost set one girls car on fire!! (one dumb butt threw a sparkler inside the car while it was LIT!) So needless to say.. my 4th was quite the good time.

So.. last night (saturday) Mr. Chef mentions that he wants to go out to a lounge for some party.. and i guess you could say invites me... lol okay no he def asked me to go with him.. told him i'd have to see b/c I was supposed to be doing some pre-bridal shower festivities with my cousin. She says its looking like a no.. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go out so I wait an hour or so to get back to Chef.. then all of a sudden he doesn't want to go anymore. I tell him he's wack, he apologizes profusely and then throws this lil bit in the text: I really like you and I am soo soo sorry.. ummmmmmmm I reply back: lol. HAHAHAH I mean what am I supposed to say to that anyway? Then he hits me up on yahoo IM .. so we chat for about an hour.. he kindof irked me a bit b/c he pulled this arrogant i know more about something than you do attitude on me.. major turn off.. so i just kept chumping him and letting him know how unimpressed I was.. then he all of a sudden got nervous and apologized and stopped! HA! I shouldn't be so tickled by the whole thing but.. I don't know, that is a huge pet peeve of mine. So then, he invites me to come to his house to drink.. Here's my thing.. granted I don't really invite anyone over to my house b/c I live with family (womp womp).. so I appreciate him trying to see me by inviting me over but who the hell wants to leave their own house to go sit in someone elses? Seriously? If he's really trying to... i don't know court me or what have you, does he really think sitting at his house and drinking.. is my idea of a good time, everytime? Am I being difficult? Reluctant Dreamer commented that I'm playing hard to get.. I don't think that's the case but.. I may be biased. lol. Either way, this month is supposed to be about me so .. its kind of like, I'm not trying to even let him get that attached to me.. kind of why I was so confused when he tells me how much he likes me.. How did that happen? I'm at a loss.. and he's a pretty nice guy too.. geez.. this is why I just want to take my month off.. I can't be bothered playing the dating game right now..

Side note: Thanks to all of my new visitors/readers... I hope you continue to check back.. I'm building my "blog list" and network.. so leave a comment or something. Let me know u were here!

Happy Independence Day to you... Happy Independence Month to me?

So.. I'm officially 3 days into my month of "solitude," independence, true singleness, WHATEVER! lol and boy, boy, boy, it has been quite a 3 days.. lol.. Last I wrote, the emails had been sent out to Mr. Texas & Mr. Arkansas... that day Mr. AK called.. I got nervous & just watched the phone ring.. wimp, yes I know.. My BFF convinced me to call him back- went straight to voicemail (Mr. AK, it's me, calling you back) few hours later I'm at Mr. Chef's house and AK calls back... obviously impolite to take that call so once again I watch it ring... left Chef's around midnight, return the call- no answer, no surprise, it was late. Didn't leave a message so I called back the next afternoon to no answer again. Voicemail thing messed up and I couldn't bear to call 3 times so... I let it go. No sign of AK since. I'll admit, I was kind of surprised... but then on the second thought I wasn't. He's a bit sensitive and a bit selfish... guys like him don't take dismissal very easily..despite the fact that I even gave him a little-Its not you its me.. telling him I just need to focus on me for a while... Anywho... Monday night Texas calls!!!! He'd already been deleted from the phone so I had to do a triple take when I saw the number pop up. Get this- somehow he makes it about him- Why don't you call me anymore? Is your phone broken? I know I havent been the best @ communication but why do u have to abuse me? Are we not friends? UMMMMMM I'm SORRY WHAT THE FLIP?!?! I was at such a loss for words that I started a conversation with someone else in the room just to make him get off the phone. He was supposed to call me back in an hour... its now been about 72 or so lol. Now that was a call that shocked me in general. I was expecting to hear from him in about a month or 2 months time... 1 week!!! I know he got the email but he didn't even mention it!! I think he thought he would just smooth things over like the last time... no sirreee! The most he got was another weeks worth of brain space in my head.. because I'm woman enough to admit that I have thought about that call at least once a day since then... not to mention the fiasco that was last weekend with him.. sooo he bought himself another week.

So July is here now... the 2 major players in my life are gone (for now- crossing fingers).. but I didn't realize that it wasn't the major players that were gonna be difficult to get rid of.. its the minor league & practice squad that are posing the biggest challenges... How do you completely cut someone off that a.) you havent really been emotionally or sexually involved with in so long... b.) have really developed a pseudo-friendship with despite the sexual/emotional past or c.) is so on again off again that... cutting them off any other way than just in your mind would make the relationship more real than it has ever been?! lol.. I'm hoping I can come up with a satisfactory answer by the 15th of July... lol In the meantime... I have to just continue to keep my distance and limit or eliminate any "boo" talk, feelings or displays of affection (from guys), dates, and meeting new fellas...

Update about Mr. Chef.. but that will have to come later, I am sleepy as all get out!

Let the (Elimination) Games Begin!!

Today,
I have officially eliminated 2 guys from my squad (as I like to affectionately refer to it lol). Ok so let me back up just a smidgen...

Last week I started feeling this need for some real me time... clean slate... no men.. just ME!! I realized that I'm not at a place in my life where I am happy. I was feeling a little rut-like.. a little stuck, a little mouse in a maze that he can't get out of... I realized I need to make some changes and eliminations in regards to people and situations. One of the first things that came to my mind was men... its funny because I finally for the past few months have been ready to be in a relationship and dating with that intention.. anywho, so I came to conclusion that for 1 month I need to be completely man-less.. no boo's, no late night chill sessions, no kisses, no sexin, no nothing. On top of that, I need to completely let go of the current men in my life b/c after 3-5 months none of them have made any serious moves to lock it down... and I'm tired of wasting time. Its time to just do me. I realized that since I've started dating boys.. (in HS) I have never been completely devoid of men. There was always at least one residual, or one new, or one on again off again. With all that going on.. when have I had time to really just focus on me?! Never. Therefore... I have decided to let all of the old go. Numbers are getting deleted, emails have already begun to get sent out, some txt msgs may go out, calls are going to be left unanswered... Its time to move forward.

So.. this morning 2 emails went out.. one to Mr. Texas officially letting him know "Yes, I'm done.. just so you don't have to ask me in a month." (i literally said that). Another one was sent to Mr. AK (yeah he was another one... he was better than Texas, but still had to go). I was going to atleast tell AK on the phone, but he seems to be having trouble returning phone calls again.. (he goes through that phase once every couple weeks.. it gets very old). Thus, he too received an email.

The hardest part of this is going to be eliminating those guys who I have a legitimate friendship with.. on top of whatever romantic/sexual history we have... I am like horrible at breakups of any kind... I could barely quit my job when I did... maybe i'll send a mass email... lol. IDK.. but I have to make some stuff happen by July 1... because for the month of July... I'm focusing on me... I don't know what that means for Mr. Chef either..

Disappointments & A Clean Slate

So.. yes, I know it has been quite some time since my last post. Interesting things have gone down. However, the thing foremost on my mind is my great disappointment in Mr. Texas. Okay, so you dont know who that is.. here's a little backstory:

We met at my old job. He was consulting there.. and it was really and truly one of those corny instant chemistry type situations. we got along great.. had great convos the whole nine. only dilemma was that he lives in Texas... hence the name. So most of the "relationship" was via phone b/c he came up in March and this weekend was his first weekend back since then. About the middle of May I decided to just let things go b/c I felt as though things had gotten to the point where I was making WAY too much of an effort to keep things up. I expressed my sentiments to him and he pretty much tried to flip the situation around.. I left the conversation feeling rather chumped off. And we actually never even finished the conversation b/c he didnt call me back... talk about your ass hole. so yes that is when things came to a halt. Fast forward 2 weeks and I get a text msg asking me if I still like him... I laughed and responded that he's still on the list.. but not very high up. he responds with an i'm at the airport call you when i land... right that must have been the longest flight on earth because he calls 3 days later, for 2 minutes. fast forward 2 more weeks... text message: Are you done with me? I want to see you next week, is that ok? I respond: that's fine, just call me. 2 days later I get: I can't wait to see you!... I'm baffled at this point b/c we have had practically no communication in about a month.. so I say to him: confused about why u want to see me, you dont even talk to me anymore... he replies: things have been crazy, lets do lunch and just talk.

Okay, so now that you're up to speed:

Fast forward to Saturday.. Phone call (SHOCKER!!): Are you in Atlanta? I'm on my way there and I want to see you sometime... Me: Ok, just call me. Have a safe flight.... Saturday night- I meet up with him to give something to him and we make plans for Sunday afternoon after church. Sunday I call him after church: Oh sorry babe we're gonna have to push back b/c i'm bout to eat with my boys... Me: wasnt it nice of you to make that decision on your own.. Him: Couldnt call you were in church Me: thats crap whatever. ... Fastforward 1 hr later, Me: You need to just decide that this is important and make the time to see me... Him: ok babe your right... Me: you have 30 minutes to figure it out.. (LOL I was frustrated at this point b/c he's fuckin up my schedule.. typically I dont do ultimatums)... 1 hour later... still nothing... 3 hours later... Him: Babe I know I suck, lets hang tomorrow... WTF?! he's gotta be kidding me! Turns out he was highly inebriated... not a good excuse for the blow off but... whatever. Today: HE makes plans for this evening.. Dinner and maybe the Braves game... so why is it 6:21 and I'm sitting here blogging instead of eating, driving, or cheering??? I'm at such a loss right now. I had already decided that after this week, I was going to end things with him.. but I was going to at least give him the opportunity to explain his piss poor behavior in the past... This is a damn shame.. Grown ass man (28yrs old) with his own business and a son, over here actin like hes still an undergrad football player! Plain old disappointment. Ugh..

Over the past week I have been thinking about letting all the guys in my life go right now... He's just making this that much easier to do. I really would like to just start over fresh with a clean slate. No residual past feelings to mess up anything new. Ideally, I want to just take a month for myself... just focus on me and the business I'm starting (another day's blog)... But there is a new guy.. we'll call him Mr. Chef... he wants to hang out tomorrow.. Maybe he can be a part of the clean slate?? Thoughts? Comments on Mr. Texas? Insight to share??