7.04.2008

Happy Independence Day to you... Happy Independence Month to me?

So.. I'm officially 3 days into my month of "solitude," independence, true singleness, WHATEVER! lol and boy, boy, boy, it has been quite a 3 days.. lol.. Last I wrote, the emails had been sent out to Mr. Texas & Mr. Arkansas... that day Mr. AK called.. I got nervous & just watched the phone ring.. wimp, yes I know.. My BFF convinced me to call him back- went straight to voicemail (Mr. AK, it's me, calling you back) few hours later I'm at Mr. Chef's house and AK calls back... obviously impolite to take that call so once again I watch it ring... left Chef's around midnight, return the call- no answer, no surprise, it was late. Didn't leave a message so I called back the next afternoon to no answer again. Voicemail thing messed up and I couldn't bear to call 3 times so... I let it go. No sign of AK since. I'll admit, I was kind of surprised... but then on the second thought I wasn't. He's a bit sensitive and a bit selfish... guys like him don't take dismissal very easily..despite the fact that I even gave him a little-Its not you its me.. telling him I just need to focus on me for a while... Anywho... Monday night Texas calls!!!! He'd already been deleted from the phone so I had to do a triple take when I saw the number pop up. Get this- somehow he makes it about him- Why don't you call me anymore? Is your phone broken? I know I havent been the best @ communication but why do u have to abuse me? Are we not friends? UMMMMMM I'm SORRY WHAT THE FLIP?!?! I was at such a loss for words that I started a conversation with someone else in the room just to make him get off the phone. He was supposed to call me back in an hour... its now been about 72 or so lol. Now that was a call that shocked me in general. I was expecting to hear from him in about a month or 2 months time... 1 week!!! I know he got the email but he didn't even mention it!! I think he thought he would just smooth things over like the last time... no sirreee! The most he got was another weeks worth of brain space in my head.. because I'm woman enough to admit that I have thought about that call at least once a day since then... not to mention the fiasco that was last weekend with him.. sooo he bought himself another week.

So July is here now... the 2 major players in my life are gone (for now- crossing fingers).. but I didn't realize that it wasn't the major players that were gonna be difficult to get rid of.. its the minor league & practice squad that are posing the biggest challenges... How do you completely cut someone off that a.) you havent really been emotionally or sexually involved with in so long... b.) have really developed a pseudo-friendship with despite the sexual/emotional past or c.) is so on again off again that... cutting them off any other way than just in your mind would make the relationship more real than it has ever been?! lol.. I'm hoping I can come up with a satisfactory answer by the 15th of July... lol In the meantime... I have to just continue to keep my distance and limit or eliminate any "boo" talk, feelings or displays of affection (from guys), dates, and meeting new fellas...

Update about Mr. Chef.. but that will have to come later, I am sleepy as all get out!